Judgement (Part 2)

God’s judgement, is to become free from ourselves and our destructive behaviour (see part 1). But judgement is also to become free of the consequences of other’s destructive behaviours to us. We think, according to our blackened judgement and self-righteous sentences, that we deserve to be thrown on second-hand sorting, thinking we are just and upfront with ourselves. The problem when we judge ourselves is that we commit the same sin as Satan did. We think that because we have knowledge, we have enough to know the whole truth.

The problem is that we only have parts of the truth about ourselves. Only God knows the true Sentence. And when God is coming to judge, which is happening to us even on earth each day we let God in, our hearts still remains with accusations, while the Sentence of God’s love releases us into freedom. This love of God is the Judgement. We are going to see our true selves, and in the exact same second, without negotiations or deliberations, we’ll be met by an open and accepting embrace. We don’t even have time to understand what just happened. We expected terrible consequences if it came to the worst or an indulgent merciful nodding if it came to the best. And then we thought we were expected to show gratitude. But we find ourselves standing, suddenly, in a flow of naked truth and heated love from somebody’s embrace, and we realise This is God. Is this Judgement? Is this God? Oh I, my Christian fool, who didn’t even knew God! Who can then judge us? With what mandate did we sentence people to hell? Why did we put the oak of the commandments back on people’s shoulders? Maybe because we couldn’t stand that the man with fewer coins was rewarded just as much as us, - the faithful ones?

If sin is destruction, and if judgement is God’s love in a form of a Highest Court, then our freedom is immense and overwhelming, horrendous and frightening, with no limits and no…control. Are we so afraid of loosing control that we gladly pay the prize of freedom, here on earth? Are we so afraid of loosing our golden stars we hid, - just in case, in our shirt sleeves for so many years?

I am a good girl. I am behaving. I never raise my voice, and I only swore in the bathroom once during my pubic years when nobody heard. - These are my golden stars!

What is this? Don’t we trust the grace of salvation? Do we merely talk about redemption, but secretly doubt? Is this why we collect all these golden stars? No I don’t think so. We are probably hoping that God will see this tiny part of faith in our hearts, as well. We hope it will actually be as simple as God promised. And this is probably what it’s going to be like. - But to let go of control? No, no, no. We won’t let go. So we keep collecting stars. This way, we can at least stand firm in comparison to others. Because even if God doesn’t, - others will judge us. We will then hold our stars in front of our faces as a shield of God in a fierce battle. Even if our hearts will be the sole judges, even then we can hope for a fair trial with these golden stars. We’ll take up star after star against our own self-contempt. Let go of control? No! Let go of the golden stars? We would die. Die, die, and die!! We would. Self-contempt would well over us; our enemies would see our despair as they mock us. We wouldn’t look strong. We would look weak. We would look exactly as bad as they say we are. We can’t let that happen. They would win. The evil One would win! We are Christians, we are free, and we’ve got the truth, hallelujah! We’ve got to sharpen that facade at any cost. And if we can make this sharpening look like a pius act, the better.

Go up to mount Moria. Die. Let go of control - Your golden stars, Your fake salvation. You showed them to everybody who thought of christians as hypocrites, because You wanted them to know that christians can be good people too. You showed it to Your class-mate when he asked You about Your faith. You pretended to be humblewhen You said You don't have any answers. But for real, You were scared of saying it wrong. Scared of not measuring it up to God’s approval. Scared of other people’s judgement of Your story in church. You held on to that star when a person who caused You pain constantly tried to reproach You, telling You to do better. You held it up for Yourself saying; I did better than this person, so he/she has no right telling me what to do! And You were right, but the clench to Your rights have tightened and the grip is making Your muscles and knuckles very sore. And falling from that grip is the same as falling from the last thread of Your right to dignity, to Yourself.

You have all the rights to hold on to Your rights. But You can see that over the years, it is only creating a wall around You. A wall of protection not letting others in. And some might be better off left outside, because some are evil people. But let go of Your control, to let the good ones in. Let go of Your rights. Let God do the battle. Let God stand in the midst of the firearms. Let go of the right to stand for Your rights. Die. Like Jesus died away from his rights at the cross. And let all Your feelings come to the surface. Let them come. Let bitterness, anger, hatred, begrudge, pain, and infinite sorrow well up from Your inner self. No, don't think of forgiveness yet. Feel the emotions. And then….let go of them. Forgiveness comes later, when You are not noticing it. Forgiveness is the miracle God will do in Your heart, but only if You realise You cannot forgive by Yourself. And You leave all t he "have-to-dos" for God to perform. Who are we christians who think we can create our own salvation? Let go of control and see what happens! As the Muslims say, - God is greater. God will do more than You imagined, because God loves You more than Your golden stars ever can serve as proof in trial. God is the judge. And God is everlasting abundant overwhelming and naked, -bare naked, burning love.